Moving Forward Fearlessly

Written weeks after Bella's passing.

Time to move forward. Time to create.

I decided to move on by taking one step. One step is all it would take. I started moving things in the baby’s room. It was cold, a disaster, things were everywhere. It was more like a storage room for baby things. We had just piled everything in there that we didn't want to see and shut the door.

I started to fold and sort. I put the things that Bella wore at the hospital, and things that people gave her in the hospital in a pile. Her things. Her few little things. I wanted to give her so many things, I couldn't give her the things I wanted to. I folded the newborn clothes that had not been put away yet. As I folded it dawned on me that these were not Bella’s clothes, she was never meant for those clothes. She never intended to wear these clothes, that was my dream. I wasn't going to let these clothes to go to waste. Were these clothes were for baby #2. New baby Leone, A New Bambino! What a relief to feel that these things had a purpose! They are for our next Love. Could it be a baby girl again? Or maybe a Mini Vinnie?! In which case we might have to adjust the wardrobe a little. 

I felt my heart literally opening up there was space in there for another. I could actually feel another spirit close. I couldn't be more relieved or surprised. I was able to move, move forward. 
Hell Yes.

At Last the Most Lovely Nursery.

Today is a Great day in my journey through healing from Bella's transformation.  It's my first day at home with the nursery complete...ish. Smile. Yesterday Vince and I worked for hours on "Bella's" room. We finally got it cleared with only a few tasks left to complete. Currently it's about 75% done. I got the crib on craigslist and Vince and I repainted it with milk paint and distressed it for the "Shabby Chic" look that's going around. It took us days to do. All baby friendly of course! It was a great experience of patience and working together. We both learned a lot and love each other more because of it. The same is true with our experience of Bella's birth. It brought us together.  That's how we live. We have to.
 
 Last week I decided that this "journey" in bed I was having was not the way I wanted to tell my story. Did I want to blog that I have a heard time getting out of bed and sometimes don't? I didn't just want to tell my story. I wanted to create my story. Time to wipe the tears and start blogging. I would start at the beginning. And now I can move forward and continue healing.
Move forward fearlessly. That's the primary. I take each day and live it like I have never lived before.  Now all I can do is think about Baby Leone #2. 


Are you here? Are you listening? Is it time? It's been 8 weeks since big sister left us and now we can simply move forward. Simple enough, eh? We shall see....