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How I turned lead into gold.
This blog is a personal account of my journey into motherhood. It about my daughters Bella's life and how I handled her death. As well as my personal healing from grief and my journey forward into my next pregnancy.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

First Heartbeats and Kicks

This next one is cute. Our first midwife appointment. Because we chose this birthing center we were able to have all of our prenatal care with Andaluz. We were assigned 3 midwives so we always had a fresh face to welcome us into the home-like setting. We had all of our visits in  rooms that looked like gorgeous, dreamy bedrooms. Vince came to every one of my visits. We spent an hour each time checking in with the midwife while sitting on the bed feeling totally relaxed. What love! The first time we even went to a doctors office was was that next January. Vince and I go back and forth writing, so sweet.


July 22, 2013
A: Hey Little Buddy!
V: Today we heard your heartbeat for the first time! It was amazing!
A: We are soooooo! excited. It was so beautiful! (We both cried a little.) Our first appt. was amazing. Our midwife Carrie was/ is wonderful. The birthing center we chose is so cool. Everyone is so relaxed and happy. Their whole philosophy is that I was made to create and birth you and you were made to be born. Together we will have a great time getting you into this world.
V: Right now you are the size of a lime. You have all your fingers and toes. Today I also found out where you are in mommies tummy so I can talk right to you. It was a great day. I loved hearing your heartbeat, it made everything official. You sounded healthy and nurtured. Mommy is taking great care of you. She is making sure you are well fed and getting good exercise.
A: I am! You are growing very well and we are doing everything right! We love you and are so excited to meet you! We love you little Leone.

Love, Mama and Papa



I love this next one because I remember what it felt like being out on a warm summer day with rain and dark skies all around. A storm was reported to come in from the north. The dirt was turning to mud. Everything felt so surreal. I walked away with tons of big organic blackberries and mud, rain, and berry juice all over me.

Aug 10, 2013

Hey Hey Little Cookie!

Today Mama took you blackberry picking at your great Aunt Jackie's house. I went there to pick in the middle of August and it started raining! I picked blackberries for about an hour and a half with you in my tummy and rain all over! It was so much fun! I wonder what it felt like for you swimming in my belly. I also spent a lot of the day getting ready for a garage sale we are going to have next week. I started clearing the 3 bedroom for you. I have lot's of baby clothes, mostly for a girl, wondering if you are. We are going to find out in 7 weeks when we see you! I Love you little one. You are so special.
Love, Yo Mama

Not dated

Hi Love!
Sept 9th 2013 was the first day that I felt you. I was lying in bed when I was in Hawaii falling asleep when I felt you little body moving, kicking, fluttering. It was the best day of my life so far. So wonderful, so magical. The next morning there you were again swimming around. I called your papa and told him all about it. Your aunt Racheal and GG got to feel you, also your Nana. Everyday I spend lots of time talking to you feeling you putting my awareness on you. You are my favorite thing to do, grow you, feel you, dream of you.

This was taken the day I felt her first kicks.


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