Good Grief!

I believe that grief is a very under rated and misunderstood or just not understood topic in our society. There seems to be no reference point for it. Were don't talk about it and when it happens we separate ourselves or feel uncomfortable.

I hadn't realized that grief was part of my every day life until now. I have experienced more grief following the death of my daughter Bella than I could have imagined. 10 years ago today I lost one of loves of my life. That was grief. Bella is also the love of my life. Losing your child? Holy grief! It feels different that any other grief I have felt.

There are other kinds of grief that I started to notice. I've started to see others grief. Every day people, everywhere. Now just like I said in my blog about "your story", it's a choice even for what grief story you tell. When I am feeling low, I tell a totally different story when I'm having a "great day story." I love telling the happy story.

There's the grief we hold for old people. The kind where we know they have lived a good life but we are sure gonna miss them. There's the kind where you feel sad that your lover is really gone this time.

Then there's the kind of grief that we don't really notice, that's the kind that really tugs at you gently without much pain. There's the kind a mother has to leave her baby for the first time.
I feel grief when I run out of kale. Seriously.

I rarely acknowledge that this life is full of grief and it never occurred to me that it could be a positive thing.

Some say that somehow, we are mourning our past decisions, our old experiences, whether we know it or not.

There's the kind I felt when I woke up from anesthesia to a beautiful nurse telling me that my baby didn't make it. I felt it. But it didn't last. We had to feel love. That is what Bella was about, it is her essence. That is what life is about. Love can heal. Grief can feel healing. I choose to embrace it.

I feel sad when I think about the good ol' days when life was different. I can feel how I have lost some friendships but somehow I can love and appreciate the times we shared and feel the love that I am sharing right now. I feel good about that too. There is a time and a season. I could also see how the good ol' days were awesome and there will never again be that time with the exact same circumstances. An old college professor of mine called it an "Island in Time." These unique moments in time and space. How cool is that? How cool is it that each moments in life is unique and we all remember different things and have different recollection or memory. Even that word recollect suggests that we re-collect experiences and we can share them.

Grief is all around us. Since it is often part of our every day lives, let's embrace it. Grief can be comfortable. We can feel it and let it go. We can feel it and flow it into love.

I am newly realizing and experiencing this interesting simple concept. When I feel the grief swelling, I look for love. I can love grief.

I'm not suggesting that we should all declare that life sucks or be a "Debbie downer". I'm suggesting that there may be an option to acknowledge that we can have grief all around us and it may be part of our daily lives. It's familiar, and it's sometimes good! From a peaceful perspective we can take time to appreciate change and loss. I appreciated every kick, every hiccup while I was pregnant and I still do. You had something you once thought was great, something that meant something to you, cherish it, honor it. Maybe that's what our memory is for. You can have the memory you choose. You can keep telling yourself grief stories or you can tell yourself love stories.

This life was meant to be cherished. We can love loss, we can appreciate loss. Grief can be good! It helps us grow, it can make us stronger. Breathe each breath like it's your favorite breath. Feel each heartbeat like you have heard it for the first time.